This is the first picture I saw of my sweet boy, Nicholas. Before this, we had decided we wanted to adopt a little girl. We were drawn to China (for a lot of reasons -- that should be another post...) and since 95% of adoptions from China are girls, it seemed the logical choice. Also, I was used to girls: I had Olivia already and I am one of 2 girls. I was always a girly-girl and felt more comfortable with girls and women. Luckily, John didn't have a preference one way or the other, so it was an easy decision. Until I saw this picture. It totally captivated me. I don't know why exactly. I mean, he is cute, but it was more than that. Many of other Chinese children whose faces are posted on agency "waiting child" lists were adorable, too. But this picture caught my eye. The English name that the agency had given him was Nicholas, the very name John and I had always said we would name our son if we had one. And, his birthday? The due date for the baby I had just lost.
After losing our baby in 2005, we knew adoption was the right things for us. But, I hate to say that our loss and our genetic predisposition to having a sick child is "The Reason" we adopted. I know many people who also carry CF along with their spouse, or who carry other diseases, who took other routes to having children. Adoption is not for everyone, but it was perfect for us. It was one of the few decisions in life that John and I agreed on without much discussion, and that we both say gave us a feeling of peace immediately.
One blessing that came out of our loss was that John and I had to give a lot of thought to what it means to parent a child with a medical need. We talked a lot about what we could handle, how we would handle it, and how our marriage would change because of it. We got to see how we would work as a couple through a crisis; how we would work with doctors and medical procedures, and with grief. In a strange way, all of this clarified what was important to us, and it was not our busy, material-filled lives. We realized not only could we care for a child with a medical condition, but that it would bless our lives. We still felt firmly that we had made the right decision by not bringing a sick child into the world when we had the option and the means to prevent it, but we could parent a child who already had a special need. We wanted to.
And that brings me back to Nicholas. Nicholas has a cleft lip and palate. Parenting a child with a cleft involves managing multiple surgeries, intense dental work, speech therapy, and ENT procedures. But, after facing what CF might entail, this seemed like nothing. We are so lucky to have the financial means and the medical insurance to take care of Nicholas in the way that his birth parents could not. And we are so thankful to Nicholas for healing our hearts; for letting us take care of him in the way we could not care for our unborn son.
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