Link to some pictures

https://public.me.com/samantha.h.reid

We have our daughter!

Hi All!
((We are going to post our pics on Flicker because we can't seem to get our pictures on blogger or FB while we are here...coming soon..))

We had the most amazing day. We woke up this morning, had our usual enormous buffet breakfast, and then got on our bus to go to the government building where we would meet our children. There are 16 families adopting in our group -- the kids range in age from 4 to Ellie's age, 14 months (she is the youngest one). When our bus arrived, 2 children were already there with their ayis. It was overwhelming to watch these families unite. One family has an especially amazing story: they had met their son when they adopted their first daughter one year ago. He was in her daughter's orphanage and was her good friend. He has an especially gregarious and flirty personality, so they never forgot him. Then, in all of their daughter's pictures from the orphanage, they found him sitting or standing next to her. They decided to look into adopting him, but they knew it was a long shot. It is very hard to find a specific child in the system. But they found him with the first agency they checked. Then, an even bigger hurdle to jump was getting the agency to allow them to adopt him, because they had not started any paperwork yet. Normally, agencies try to match children with families who can adopt them the soonest. But, due to his severe special needs (dwarfism and spina bifida) there were no other families interested in pursuing his adoption. So, they were matched with him! And when they united today, the little boy and his new sister remembered each other from the orphanage! It was so sweet to see them hug each other and start playing.

We waited for a long time for the group from Ellie's orphanage to arrive. It is a 3 hour drive, and apparently the van broke down on the way and they had to change cars. When she was finally carried out of the van by her caretaker, I recognized her right away. She was handed to me and was quite happy. Amazing! Most of the other kids were screaming and crying. Ellie was bundled up in so many layers and a yellow snowsuit on top -- she looked like a yellow snowman! And it is unusually warm here -- about 65 degrees F. Nicholas was so super excited to see her -- he kept saying "Wow! She is so cute! " and hugging her over and over again. And Ellie was nonplussed. She just kept eating a cracker and looking at us, like "what's up with all of you, oooh-ing and ahh-ing and taking pictures?!" She let John hold her (which is not always the case for some new adoptive dads. These kids are mostly taken care of by women and some have only seen men at the doctor's office). John even got her first smile by making a silly face.

We hung out in the Civil Affairs Office for some time, as other families awaited their children's arrivals. In that time, Ellie was very happy. I got her to laugh by lean her back and then picking her up and kissing her. She has the best smile! She is really so beautiful, even with her pretty severe cleft. She has a big smile and bright eyes. She is not quite as big as the agency told us: I bet they weighed her with her 4 layers of clothing on! She looks more like 9 months rather than 14. She is crawling and standing while holding on to beds and tables etc. She has even taken a few wobbly steps.

This kid is an eater! She loves the Gerber Puffs. I regret that I did not bring more than the 3 containers I packed. She ate half of one on the bus ride home. Then she downed 1 1/2 bottles in the hotel room. We tried to put her down for a nap but she would not sleep. She just stood up and looked over the edge and cooed and giggled. We are suckers -- we tried for an hour and then gave up. Now she is crawling all over the room, playing with stacking cups and Nicholas' little army men (not putting them in her mouth!). She is so happy and content! She loves to be ticked. She has a great laugh and makes terrific eye contact. She also has a temper -- she is not happy with me when I tell her no.

Of course, we are thinking this might just be the honeymoon period and this all might hit her soon. But, for right now , everything is much better than we expected.

Nicholas is a little sick. He threw up on the bus ride home -- I think he might have drunk some water here or perhaps he has a stomach bug. I hope that's not it because I don't want Ellie to start vomiting too.

OK, off to play with Ellie! I promise to post the link to our flicker pics soon. Sorry if any typos -- not time to proofread!

Sam xxoo

Flying South

Hi
Still can't post new pictures but I will work on it. I wish I could show you the pictures of my goofball Nicholas, making silly faces in every shot. And I simply must get this figured out before we meet Ellie tomorrow. I know some of you, my awesome friends, have been waiting to see this little girl as long as I have!

We got up this morning and, after a big buffet breakfast, met up with a group of other Americans adopting, and took a bus to the airport. We left Beijing for the province in which Ellie lives, Henan. We took a domestic 1 1/2 hour flight and I desperately tried to finish "The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo" because there might not be any more time for reading after today. As I remember from Nicholas' adoption, the first couple of weeks together are trying. It was nice to get to chat to others adopting. Some other families also had their previously-adopted children (the soon-to-be big brothers and sisters) with them. And three of them are 5 years old, just like Nicholas.

We are now at the hotel where we will bring Ellie "home" for the first time. I think it hit me that Ellie is coming soon when housekeeping delivered the crib to the room! It is so weird but as much as we have been preparing ourselves for her for so long, we just are not prepared! It is just like having a biological child: I don't think it hit me that I was having Olivia or Peter until we headed to the hospital each time.

John is busy preparing gifts for the ayis and orphanage directors and getting money exchanged. Nicholas is busy watching "Dino Dan" on the iPad. I am busy freaking out!!! But in good way...

Love to you all
Sam

Day at Nicholas' Orphanage

Hi Everyone!
We are having computer trouble so we are not able to post pictures (hopefully we will figure this out soon!) but I will still try to keep you in the loop with words. We hired a car to take us the hour drive to Nicholas' group foster home, the House of Joy, in Langfang. He lived in this home from age 5 months until we adopted him at 22 months. There, he lived with about 30 other kids, nannies, and a family originally from the states who started this home. They coordinated his surgeries (repairing his cleft lip and palate) and took great care of him. We simply cannot be more grateful to them.

I was a bit worried about how Nicholas would respond to being back in his old home. We had talked a lot about it and he did not seem worried at all. But I thought maybe being there might trigger something -- some sight, sound, or smell would cause him to relive some old trauma. But, he was perfectly ok. More than that -- he was gleeful! We were greeted by Elisa, the American woman who ran his home, and he hugged her and then almost ran over her to get inside the home. We met a group of younger boys living there now who were playing with blocks at a table with some ayis. After saying hello, Nicholas ran up the stairs towards where his old room is held. I don't know if he remembered or not; perhaps he was just being his usual investigative self. I told Nicholas how I remember walking up those stairs and seeing him for the first time. His ayi was holding him and his eyes were wide open as she told him "mama, mama" while pointing at me. But Nicholas did not remember that -- he just looked into all the rooms and then asked if he could go downstairs again to be with the boys. He was amazingly comfortable and happy.

We spent a really nice morning with Elisa and her husband Mike and the boys in the foster home. Mike and Elisa are amazing people who have truly devoted their lives to helping orphans. They have 4 adult children and one 12 year old adopted from China. As we were talking one little 2 year old sat on my lap and played with my iPhone with incredible savvy. Nicholas helped me hand out lollipops and M&M's. One little boy really held my attention. Some of you have heard me talk about Elijah before. I had seen his picture in one of the newsletters sent from Mike and Elisa and just fell in love. Elijah is not only a beautiful 4 year old boy, but one whose gentle spirit comes across in photos. At one point, John and I tried to find out which agency was representing Elijah so we could adopt him (Mike and Elisa never get that information). But we could not find him to request his file. I believe that that did not work out because we were meant to find our Ellie, but at the same time, I felt a lot of strong emotions upon meeting Elijah face-to-face. I hope he finds a family soon.

Nicholas was so comfortable at the House of Joy that he even went off alone with Elisa for a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. Then, he went out to play in the yard with the older boys. I don't know for sure, but I got the feeling that Nicholas has good memories -- or at least good feelings -- about his former home. That makes me feel so relieved. And, even though a child can never get the love and care he or she needs from anything other than a family, he has done so well. He has had his share of hurdles to jump, but he never fails to surprise us in his strength and flexibility.

We're in Bejing!

Hi!
After a long trip we arrived in Beijing last night. Nicholas did so well on the trip (thank you, Apple, for inventing the iPad) and he is so excited. It is fun to watch his eager anticipation of "getting [his] baby." He really can't sit still -- right now he is looking out of our hotel window and declaring that "everyone here has black hair...like me and Daddy!" I am also so happy to be back in China. The minute we stepped into the airport (the new one built for the Olympics is impressive, by the way), I was just overwhelmed by memories. I have such love for China.

We are about to set off for a trip to Nicholas' orphanage. It is about an hour away from our hotel in a city called Langfang. We are going to visit with his ayis (nannies) and with the American couple who runs his former home. I am interested in seeing how he will react.

I will try to post pictures tonight -- having a little trouble right now.

Sam

Food and Adoption

As many of you know, I love food. I don't know if I am a foodie exactly, because I wouldn't say my love of food is refined. I like it all. From every part of the world. A few years ago, when I was contemplating adopting from a number of countries (China? India? Ethiopia?), a friend of mine joked that I was choosing my child's country of origin based on my food preferences. Maybe because my own heritage is English, she went on, I felt a desperate need create a family with at least some culinary proficiency. Although I still maintain that some English food is good (Shepherd's Pie is the best comfort food of all time), I admit that I fell in love with my husband partially for his family's Greek cooking. And, I guess I did not hate the idea of simply having to learn to cook Chinese food for my son who still prefers Chinese cuisine over anything else, and who has a huge appetite. Oh, the sacrifices.

So, I was very excited to go to China for the first time -- mostly because of meeting my son, but a distant second was the thrill of exploring the food. Would it be like the Chinese food we get here? How is it different in different parts of China? What would be my favorite meal? (I really spend a lot of time thinking about these kind of things...) But, alas, the irony: I was pregnant with Peter. In my first trimester. And very, very nauseous. I didn't want to eat anything except grilled cheese, the only thing that sounded good to me at the time. I became that American that walks around in a foreign country searching for grilled cheese! I hate those people!

So, watch out, China. I am not pregnant this time, and I am very very hungry. Nicholas and I are going to do some damage.

Packing and Paperwork

We are busy trying to get everything together for the big trip. This is harder than it sounds because we don't know what size Ellie is, nor do we know if she is drinking from a bottle or a cup, or eating solids, etc. We don't know what kinds of toys she likes to play with, or (the bigger question) at what developmental stage she is. We were so lucky with Nicholas' adoption, because he was living in a group foster home run by English-speaking American ex-pats. We were able to email this wonderful couple and get all of our questions answered. Ellie's adoption is more typical of Chinese adoptions: we are going into it a bit blind, and just have to make do. So...I have packed 6-12 months clothes, 12-18 months clothes, a couple of 18-24 months (just in case! she does look chubby from her pictures), bottles, sippy cups, a bunch of toys and books, regular formula and non-dairy-based formula, a bunch of assorted Gerber snacks and baby food, and the kitchen sink (as my mom would say).

And, still, the paperwork never ends. We are compiling all the documents needed for the adoption and the Visa paperwork while we were in China. Busy days, but so exciting!

Red Thread

U.S. Consulate Date

Things are moving quickly (after waiting or 2 years, it is about time!) We just got our U.S. consulate appointment in which Ellie will get her visa to enter the United States: December 6th. We will be coming home on December 9th or 10th, and she will become an American citizen the moment the airplane touches U.S. soil. So, we will be leaving for Beijing on Thanksgiving day. While we are sad to miss the Thanksgiving meal that we usually share with our family, we are glad to be celebrating the day on route to our daughter ... certainly something for which to be thankful!

TA!

We have our travel approval! We will find out tomorrow or Wednesday when we will be heading to China! We will be leaving on Thanksgiving day or the following Thursday! I can't believe this is finally happening!! We are busy buying diapers, formula, and starting to pack. This is unreal.

Happy 1st Birthday!!

Today is Ellie's first birthday. I was hoping that we would be in China with her on her big day, but we know adoption well enough now to not be too surprised by the delays. We will see her soon, and, I believe, meet her at the right time. We celebrated her birthday last night (a night early since John has to work late tonight) for two reasons: first, we wish she were here and wanted to mark her birthday; and second, so we can show her the pictures later. So we can show her how excited we all were for her to come home. To show her that she did have a first birthday party.

I have reluctantly become an avid record-keeper and photographer in the last few years. John will attest to the fact that I used to resist stopping 'the flow of the moment' to break out the camcorder or camera. But I now realize how important it is to preserve these memories for all of our kids, but especially for my adopted children. When there is such a dramatic break from the past, as there is for kids adopted internationally, pictures and mementos become that much more significant. The pictures that I have of Nicholas from when he lived in China and from our time together there mean so much to him. He studies them intently and asks lots of questions. It's like he is trying to remember, or perhaps trying to hold on to the memories. While I believe international adoption is wonderful in a lot of ways, there is also something fundamentally sad about it: children have experienced a lot of loss - loss of loved ones, loss of familiarity, and loss of homeland.

For this reason, I will cherish every photo we receive of Ellie's life in China, which unfortunately, will be very few. And I will try to make up for the lack of baby pictures with as many pictures as I can possibly take myself. I chose to focus today not on her absence at her own 1st birthday party, but on how blessed I am to be the one behind the camera in all the days to come: her first Christmas home, her first day of school, the ballet recital.

In My Heart

My good friend Zoe, who in a former life was a teacher, recommended the book "In My Heart," by Molly Bang. I loved it immediately because it depicts an interracial family, yet the book is not about race at all. It's about love.

We have been wondering if Peter, our 3 year old, really gets that he is soon to be an older brother. We remember that when we were in the midst of our wait for Nicholas, Olivia, who was then 2, was SO into it. She told anyone who happened to walk past us in the street that she was waiting for her little brother from China. She drew pictures about him. She asked us all about China. And now, like Olivia, Nicholas is very excited about his new sibling (and it is bringing up a lot of adoption talk, which is a good thing), but Peter, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be. It's not like he is unhappy; he just doesn't seem to care. Or get it. He just wants to play superheroes and eat jelly sandwiches.

That is why last night, after reading the book to the above-mentioned book to the kids, I was so surprised by Peter's remark. I asked him, "Peter, who is in your heart?" And he said, "Ellie, my sister. She is far away. But I love her." Just so matter-of-fact. So adorable.

Why We Decided to Adopt, Part 3: Nicholas!

This is the first picture I saw of my sweet boy, Nicholas. Before this, we had decided we wanted to adopt a little girl. We were drawn to China (for a lot of reasons -- that should be another post...) and since 95% of adoptions from China are girls, it seemed the logical choice. Also, I was used to girls: I had Olivia already and I am one of 2 girls. I was always a girly-girl and felt more comfortable with girls and women. Luckily, John didn't have a preference one way or the other, so it was an easy decision. Until I saw this picture. It totally captivated me. I don't know why exactly. I mean, he is cute, but it was more than that. Many of other Chinese children whose faces are posted on agency "waiting child" lists were adorable, too. But this picture caught my eye. The English name that the agency had given him was Nicholas, the very name John and I had always said we would name our son if we had one. And, his birthday? The due date for the baby I had just lost.

After losing our baby in 2005, we knew adoption was the right things for us. But, I hate to say that our loss and our genetic predisposition to having a sick child is "The Reason" we adopted. I know many people who also carry CF along with their spouse, or who carry other diseases, who took other routes to having children. Adoption is not for everyone, but it was perfect for us. It was one of the few decisions in life that John and I agreed on without much discussion, and that we both say gave us a feeling of peace immediately.

One blessing that came out of our loss was that John and I had to give a lot of thought to what it means to parent a child with a medical need. We talked a lot about what we could handle, how we would handle it, and how our marriage would change because of it. We got to see how we would work as a couple through a crisis; how we would work with doctors and medical procedures, and with grief. In a strange way, all of this clarified what was important to us, and it was not our busy, material-filled lives. We realized not only could we care for a child with a medical condition, but that it would bless our lives. We still felt firmly that we had made the right decision by not bringing a sick child into the world when we had the option and the means to prevent it, but we could parent a child who already had a special need. We wanted to.

And that brings me back to Nicholas. Nicholas has a cleft lip and palate. Parenting a child with a cleft involves managing multiple surgeries, intense dental work, speech therapy, and ENT procedures. But, after facing what CF might entail, this seemed like nothing. We are so lucky to have the financial means and the medical insurance to take care of Nicholas in the way that his birth parents could not. And we are so thankful to Nicholas for healing our hearts; for letting us take care of him in the way we could not care for our unborn son.

Getting Closer

So, after a lot of delays due to my lack of fingerprints (that's right, I do not have fingerprints; should have gone into a life of crime...), we finally have our I-800, which is our formal approval to adopt Ellie. The US has approved our request to bring a "foreign born minor" to our country to live as our child and to become a citizen. Our agency has told us that the wait is now 11-16 weeks until we travel. I am still holding out hope that things go very smoothly and we have Ellie home before Christmas. Not likely, but possible. Yay! Celebrating small milestones is just one way to cope with this LONG wait.

Since you asked...Why We Decided to Adopt, Part I

**Okay, this is the LONG answer to the question that I get from both friends and strangers at the grocery store alike. As I reread it it seems a tad indulgent. Blogging as therapy. If you skip through this and just look at the cute pictures of Ellie, I won't be offended...

We have been waiting for Ellie since 2005. Really. No, the process did not take 5 years to complete (although, if you are a family waiting for a baby girl with no medical needs from China, the wait actually IS this long -- or longer --now). We just got a bit sidetracked, as I tend to do. Sidetracked, but always confident that our daughter was in China and that we would meet her and bring her home one day.

I grew up just thinking adoption was another "normal" way to build a family. My best friend from my hometown, Claire, was adopted, and it was never unusual or even especially interesting to me. Just there. And her family was just like mine in most ways. So, I suppose that is why I had no resistance to the idea, as some people tell me they do, when I watched a special on TV about American families adopting internationally. When John joined me on the couch and said that he thought this was cool, too, I knew instantaneously that this was something I wanted to do. I can't totally explain it, except to say that the idea of meeting my child, who perhaps right now was living miles away in totally different circumstances, thrilled me. It was not unlike the feeling I had when I decided I wanted to get pregnant. Just thrilled, purposeful, determined. I loved the idea of having an international, perhaps interracial family. I wanted to travel and learn about other cultures. And I wanted to be a mom.

When I look back at our lives in 2005, I confess we were a little nuts to start the adoption process. We had a one year old and we were not adjusting smoothly to this new task of parenting. Olivia, our oldest, did not sleep through the night until she was 16 months old. So we were exhausted. Add that to perfectionism, naivete, and anxiety and you will have an accurate picture of our family life back then. But, strangely enough, we also loved being parents and were anxious to expand our family. And, we also knew that sometimes a baby takes longer to arrive than one might anticipate.

Before we had Olivia, I had 2 miscarriages. This was heartbreaking and scary, as we did not know if there was something that would prevent us from ever carrying a pregnancy to term. I started to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist in order to determine why the miscarriages had occurred, and although we never did quite find the answer to that question, we did find out something else: I carry the gene for Cystic Fibrosis, a serious genetic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system. Our future children would have the disease only if John was a carrier, too. So he took the test, and much to our relief, he was not. Or so we thought.

It turns out the test does not check for all mutations for the disease, just the most common ones. So, John took another test, one that checked for the next group of most common mutations. Again, he was in the clear. With that news, and a little synthetic progesterone, we went ahead and got pregnant. It was really very unlikely, said our genetic counselor, that John would be a carrier. But, just because John is nothing if not a thorough guy, John took a test called "Gene Sequencing," which tests every single one of your genes for any possible problems. The test, at least 7 years ago, took a long time to process. We weren't really worried since the other tests had come back negative, so we kind of forgot about this test. Then, when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, we got some bad news. John carried a very rare CF mutation.

I had an amnio, and, thankfully, found out that Olivia did not have CF. She is now a happy and healthy 6 year old. We are grateful for that every day. But as we decided to give Olivia a sibling, our indescribable desire to adopt now had a more logical twist to it. Now it was a "smart" option. But, just because I like to make everything more complicated than it needs to be, I couldn't quell my desire for another pregnancy. (Yes, I am one of those annoying women who loves being pregnant.) So, we decided to have another biological child while we were still young, and adopt later. Great plan. Now, how to avoid this pesky genetic disease thing...back to the fertility doctors we go.

Our daughter!

Here she is: Miss Eleanor Jia Meng! We are so proud and in love, even before meeting her. Ellie, as she will be called, is almost 1. Her birthday is September 30. She is from Henan province, which is the most populated and poorest province in China. I have heard that it also amazingly beautiful and rich with Chinese history. We cannot wait to meet our little one and to see where she was born-- hopefully this winter we will be traveling to China, with big brother Nicholas in tow. Ellie's caregivers have told us that she is "stubborn and a little bit shy." Well, if she is stubborn, she will fit in very well around here.

Ellie also has cleft lip and palate. We are familiar with this condition as Nicholas was born with this birth defect also. While Nicholas had his initial repairs done in China, we have requested that Ellie have her's done here, where the medical care will be more under our control. I am thankful that I have gone through at least part of the procedures and therapies with Nicholas so that I can help Ellie better.

I am feeling so grateful right now that I have been blessed with yet another beautiful (and stubborn) child!